My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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