I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
