he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
