Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
