I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I believe in your delicious
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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