dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
