I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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