My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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