I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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