its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
