I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
