It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
