tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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