Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drake has all the answers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
