:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
