These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
