ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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