I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
