Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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