Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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