I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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