Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
