she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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