He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
