So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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