It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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