i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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