Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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