how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
