why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
