I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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