Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
