the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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