FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
