Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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