Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
