Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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