Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
