I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
