JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize