Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
