the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
