i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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