the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
