does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
