My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
