Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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