K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
