Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
