it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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