is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
