Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
