Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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