The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
