How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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