PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
