Are we in a gay sports bar?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
