Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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