i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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