Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
