As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
