i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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