I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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