My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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