he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
