the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
