I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
