Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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