Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
