I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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