If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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