Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
