the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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