Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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