so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
