I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
