coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
