D3 body, D1 cock
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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