Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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