its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
