we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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