Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
