i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
